Bringing Home Baby!
It's Mid-November
Dear Baby,
The past month has been VERY busy! In a couple days, we head to Cañon City, Colorado to visit Daddy’s (Matt) family for Thanksgiving. Then, just two weeks after that, we fly half way around the world to spend Christmas with Papa’s (Gabriel) family.
We also completed our home assessment and home study and now we’re working on our prospective adoptive parent profiles, which is basically a big scrapbook for your birth mother to read and see what kind of people your two daddies are. Here are some pictures and some excerpts from our book:
Description of pictures:
T-Right — Gabriel with Great-Grandma and Grandpa-to-be
B-Left — Matt in front of the fountain at Bucca de Beppo in Kansas City.
B-Right — Matt and Gabriel’s 2009 Christmas Tree
Hello & Bonjour from Matt & Gabriel!
We are so happy that you have taken the time to sit down and get to know us. We’ve put a lot of loving care and thought into this book so that hopefully it will give you some special insight to who Matt Starika and Gabriel Jolivet are.
This time has to be extremely difficult for you, but we want you to know right away how grateful we are that you love your unborn child so much and that you would consider an adoption plan for him or her. Every parent loves their child, but to choose the health, happiness, and well-being of a child beyond any and all other consideration, shows what a truly wonderful person you are and how much you truly care.
We are very excited to bring a child into our hearts and to become parents and we can’t wait to begin our journey together as parents and as a family. We look forward to first steps, first words, first days of school, and so many other firsts. We look forward to teaching our child valuable lessons, nurturing their spirits, and watching them grow.
Our hope is that by the time you get to know the two of us, why we want to start a
family, and what our hopes and visions are for the future, that somehow we can provide you with a sense of well-being and a comfort that your child will be safe, happy, and of course, loved.
We both are easy to talk to and would cherish the opportunity to visit with you and answer any questions you may have about us.
merci et apprécie!...
How Matt sees Gabriel:
I am so happy to be starting a family with Gabriel. I can’t even begin to tell you what a terrific father he is going to be. Gabriel is a very strong and independent person. He is very smart and highly educated and has a massive passion for teaching others and sharing his knowledge. He is also very goal oriented and is always looking for ways to improve himself and our lives together. Gabriel has a witty sense of humor and always makes me laugh and has never lost the sense of a child inside him. He is a playful, energetic, and extremely loving person and is one of the most loyal, true-hearted people I’ve ever met. Gabriel will make an excellent father because he is so incredibly patient. He wants the best in life and encourages others to reach for the same. As a father, I know Gabriel will be exceptionally supportive and loving to his family. His kind and generous heart has so much love to give!
How Gabriel sees Matt:
I am very excited to describing the love of my life. Matt is a wonderful person who has so much to offer. He is without hesitation a caring and loving person that is not afraid of showing his emotions and feelings: it is so refreshing to have found someone who truly shows love and respect. Matt has an artistic personality: he can sing, dance, direct and more! He is a hard working person who is willing to do whatever it takes to make ours a better life. He is also generous and always willing to help and make the world a better place. He is a true genuine person that will love unconditionally. He is so excited to the idea of being a dad and I know that he will have the love and passion necessary to be a great dad. He has been a true gift in my life and I cannot wait to see him holding a baby and be a wonderful "daddy."
….Until next time….
Faits de beaux reves,
Matt & Gabe
And So The Story Begins…
DEAR BABY,
It’s now official. We’re going to be parents!!!
When? Who the hell knows…
This is now our official blog on the Liberty Press website, where we will track our journey from the beginning to the finalization of the adoption of our first child!
Along with this blog, there will be a monthly installment in the printed Liberty Press also entitles Bringing Home Baby. Watch for our first article in the November issue.
Gabe and I cannot begin to tell you how happy and excited we are; not only because we’ll soon become parents, but because we will be sharing our journey with you.
This is just the beginning! So check back often!
Faits de beaux reves,
Matt & Gabe
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
And So The Story Continues…
DEAR BABY,
Yesterday we received the following email from Kansas Children’s Service league:
Hello Matt and Gabriel.
I just wanted to check in and give you an update on where we are at with paperwork. I have two of the four references back, and I need three to start the assessment. Once I get the third, I will let you know. I have KBI checks back and driver’s license checks completed and are waiting for the Child Abuse and Neglect Registry check results. These take a few weeks, typically.
I hope you all are doing well. We will meet soon!
Best regards,
Jamie
Jamie VanCompernolle, LMSW
Infant Adoption Social Worker
Kansas Children's Service League
15717 College Blvd.
Lenexa, KS 66219
Phone: 913.621.2016 ext. 1219
Fax: 913.371.0509
We already know that one of our references just sent his in, so she’ll probably have our final reference within the next week and then begins our Home Assessment. If you’ve ever wondered what a home assessement (or home study) is, here’s what a basic outline looks like:
Elements of the Home Study Process
There is no set format that adoption agencies use to conduct home studies. Many agencies include the following steps in their home study process, although the specific details and order will vary. For more information, talk with the agencies you are considering.
Training
Many agencies require trainings for prospective adoptive parents prior to or during the home study process. These trainings help prospective parents better understand the needs of children waiting for families and help families decide what type of child or children they could parent most effectively.
Interviews
You will probably be interviewed several times by the social worker. These interviews help you develop a relationship with your social worker that will enable him or her to better understand your family and assist you with an appropriate placement. You will discuss the topics addressed in the home study report (see below). You will likely be asked to explain how you handle stress and past experiences of crisis or loss. In the case of couples, some agency workers conduct all of the interviews jointly, with both prospective parents together. Others will conduct both joint and individual interviews. If families have adult children living outside the home, they also may be interviewed during this process.
Home Visit
Home visits primarily serve to ensure your home meets State licensing standards (e.g., working smoke alarms, safe storage of firearms, safe water, adequate space for each child, etc.). Some States require an inspection from the local health and fire departments in addition to the visit by the social worker. The agency will generally require the worker to see all areas of the house or apartment, including where the children will sleep, the basement, and the back yard. He or she will be looking for how you plan to accommodate a new family member (or members, if you are planning to adopt a sibling group). Social workers are not typically inspecting your housekeeping standards. A certain level of order is necessary, but some family clutter is expected. Some agencies would worry that people living in a "picture perfect" home would have a difficult time adjusting to the clutter a child brings to a household.
Health Statements
Most agencies require prospective adoptive parents to have some form of physical exam. Some agencies have specific requirements; for example, agencies that only place infants with infertile couples may require a physician to confirm the infertility. Other agencies just want to know the prospective parents are essentially healthy, have a normal life expectancy, and are physically and mentally able to handle the care of a child.
If you have a medical condition that is under control (for instance, high blood pressure or diabetes that is controlled by diet and medication), you may still be approved as an adoptive family. A serious health problem that affects life expectancy may prevent approval. If your family has sought counseling or treatment for a mental health condition in the past, you may be asked to provide reports from those visits. Many agencies view seeking help as a sign of strength; the fact that your family obtained such help should not, in and of itself, preclude you from adopting. However, each family's situation is unique, so check with the agencies or social workers you are considering if you have concerns.
Income Statements
You do not have to be rich to adopt; you just have to show you can manage your finances responsibly and adequately. (Some countries may have specific income requirements for intercountry adoption.) Usually, prospective parents are asked to verify their income by providing copies of paycheck stubs, W-4 forms, or income tax forms. Many agencies also ask about savings, insurance policies (including health coverage for the adopted child), and other investments and debts.
Background Checks
Most States require criminal and child abuse record clearances for all adoptive and foster parent applicants. In many States, local, State, and Federal clearances are required. While the vast majority of prospective adoptive parents have no criminal or child abuse history, it is important for children's safety to identify those few families who might put children at risk.
Public and private agencies need to comply with State laws and policies regarding how the findings of background checks affect eligibility for adoptive parents. However, do not hesitate to talk to agencies and social workers you are considering about specific situations that might disqualify you from adopting. Agencies are looking not just at your past experiences, but at what you've learned from them and how you would use that knowledge in parenting a child. Some agencies in some States may be able to work with your family, depending on the charge and its resolution. If the social worker feels you are being deceptive or dishonest, however, or if the documents collected during the home study process expose inconsistencies, the social worker may have difficulty trusting you.
Autobiographical Statement
Many adoption agencies ask prospective adoptive parents to write an autobiographical statement. This is, essentially, the story of your life. This statement helps the social worker better understand your family and assists him or her in writing the home study report (see below). If you are working with an agency that practices openness in adoption, you also may be asked to write a letter or create an album or scrapbook about your family to be shared with expectant birth parents to help them choose a family for their child.
While writing about yourself can be intimidating, the exercise is intended to provide information about you to the agency, as well as to help you explore issues related to the adoption. Some agencies have workers to assist you with the writing. Most have a set of questions to guide you through writing your autobiography.
References
The agency will probably ask you for the names, addresses, and telephone numbers of three or four individuals to serve as references for you. References help the social worker form a more complete picture of your family and support network.
If possible, references should be individuals who have known you for several years, who have observed you in many situations, and who have visited your home and know of your interest in and involvement with children. Most agencies require that references be people unrelated to you. Good choices might include close friends, an employer, a former teacher, a co-worker, a neighbor, or your pastor, rabbi, or leader of your faith community.
Approval would rarely be denied on the grounds of one negative reference alone. However, if it were one of several negative factors, or if several of the references were negative, the agency might be unable to approve the adoption.
As you can see, we have a lot of work ahead of us. We’re really excited to get the process started and we’ll keep you posted as we receive more updates.
….Until next time….
Faits de beaux reves,
Matt & Gabe